These Dreams

These dreams keep coming. My dream last night was the wierdest yet. But the same guy has been in them for the past couple nights. He watches over me. Protects me. Kind of like a big brother. BUt not a Big Brother. I say bigbecasue of his stature. He has wide shoulders and big arms. I can never see his face. He is built and tough. And in this most recent dream he was a cop that looked like he stepped out of Casablanca. I can never see his face. But I know that he is real. I wonder if he will come again. I wonder if he is real. I hope to see him again tonight.

My Side of Things Through a The Looking Glass

One day a little girl decided that it owuld be a good idea to run away and leave the world behind. Little did she know that it would change the rest of her life the way it did. Well see she had found room and bored with really nice gentlemen that wanted to help. The helpwas geniuin but the Men were weird. She dealt with it becasue now she could say she had a place of her own. Even if it was run down and not in a good part of town. But it was hers. While there she found 'Love'. Two acctually. The First one was Moor. He stole her heart and whisked her off to a land where they would be happy forever. she loved him with all her heart until the day that she decided to come back to reality. Then they ended on not so good terms. But for a while he was her man in kilted crazy wolf armor. Then came Skull. Skull had alot of illusions going on that our dear little girl did not see. He talked her into letting him move in with her. And then he started taking over her life. One day she decided to take a pregnancy test. She was going to be bearing a child. She pretended to be excited at first but then eventually told him that she didnt want it. He said that if she got rid of the baby hat he would never talk to her again and that he would leave. she kept the baby blindly lying to herself saying that she loved him.

The baby comes. Her worlds under done. And no one would ever know it. She cant take the abuse from Skull anymore. She just need to find her feet. She needs to protect Feather from skull. Well one night, while living back with her parentals, she asked a friend to come and watch Feather. During that time she proceeds to klick him out on his ass in the worst part of the city. She is feeling pretty god now. even though she now has Feather and lives back with her Parentals, life is good in an empty bed.

And then Wrench came along. And through a wrench into her life...again. They had a thing before she ran away and while in these tough times, she caved and promised to marry him. She soon realized that this was a bad idea and no longer wanted to particapate. Unfortualty she has made a GOD DAMN DECISION yet and is still seeing him. one day she will learn but it will have to be on her turf and in her own time.

I will add more later. Right now im just emotionally drained going down memory lane.

Wow things are screwy in my head

it was innocent
purely emotional
but then it started to show some other colors.
I didnt know what to do
i forgot how to fight
and I let it happen again.
Things started getting fuzzy
the beat of my heart rang in my ears
I wasnt supposed to happen this way.
I wanted to scream
I wanted to yell
I wanted to pretend to just save myself
But its the pretending
not the person
that would make me a disappointment.


He came last night
Snuck in
Didnt even shut the window.
disappointing.
hands remember
and hearts beat as one
to a race that will never be won
Sleep
something that is foreign now
tossing and turning
cold sweats in the night
frustration from exhausted
while exhaustion loses out
few nights i sleep
thinking those thoughts
remembering those memories
in my own little world
its nice there this time of year
everything goes my way
but theres a face that wasnt there before
a ghost in the shadows
sneaking around in the dark
pretending he isnt there
'I see you Ghost
I know your there'
He watches me
studies me
waiting to see what im going to do next
Those eyes burn
let me tell you
But there are times
in those dreams
that im okay with him there
knowing that nothing is going to happen to me
knowing that im safe in bed and he is there
Bitter sweet would be a good word
I sleep better those nights
no tossing and turning
No Frustration or anger
just my world
and My Shadow Ghost
that doesnt have enough
sense
to shut the window.

Special

We had
something Special
A dream
that became
a reality
that became a nightmare
can only be
a memory now
But that dream
was a lie
and a liar within it
but it was real to me
if only for a time
but in that moment
it became one of
my fondest memories
if only for dream
that will always be
special to me

Frost Bite

I feel it close to my toes.
the cold radiates
like heat
against my skin
standing in the door way
afraid to feel the snow
but yearning
its cold bite
So long have I shadowed
this door way
teasing the snow
with empty promises
of melting around my path
Lungs fill with the
cold sting of winter
letting on to the pleasure
its promises with its
Wintery Kiss
Snow plays in my hair
and teases the tops of my feet
wanting me to step
So long have I shadowed this door way
My soul takes over and drags me
into the painful cold
Ice, Snow, Wind
It promises death and sacrifice
but above all it promises love
a love that will never die
a love that will never melt
for if we are together
the Winter will always have the strength
to rage wild and deadly
with me by his side
hand in hand
heart for heart
life breath for burning colda
The pain encompasses me,
a sign of affection.
Snow adorns my hair like diamonds
Ice clamps my wrists
with a promise of protection
and a collar of Frost encompasses my neck
No longer am I alone
but controlled by My Love.
So I go willingly into the frozen powder
and become overtaken by the
Winter Frost

A life lesson

Truth ad words.
they tumble off my lips
like sweet liqour
i can't hold back my mind
in this time of chaos.
so truth flows through my lips with
a blunt agony.
love is such a funny word.
so many definitions
why do I have to be restricted to just one?
so much of me longs to be yearned
As well as the part that wants to be loved
how do I balance the two?
I'm lost
Conflicted
when two things are perfect
yet polar opposites
how is a logical choice
meant
to be made.
I'm lost,
confused,
manipulated
and torn.
But as normal
I will roll with the punches
and make sure that my happiness
is achieved.
For what benefit am i if
i can't display my happiness
for a reference?
Or do I
choose
Always be happy,
without the feelings of others?
This is the
conclusion
that I have come to:
Live in the moment,
Even though you know that moment will end
Why deprive your soul of its benefits?
Our life's shouldn't be cut short
with 'what if's'
Live in the moment
and feed your
soul
with the happiness it can
provide.
No matter what the
consequences...

Warden Vs. Cowboy

Your so sad.
both of you.
no longer
are we freshman
in this game of life
But suppossed
to be enlightened
and mature.
This, sadly,
is no longer
an option.
So with the last effort
I sit back and laugh at your own
distruction
and sell
cotten candy
at your wake.
in the memory
of your immaturity.
Your so sad.
Both of you.