Well...

Long time no post. Ive been busy and bored and addicted and pregnant at the same time. Everything is exhausting now. I have resorted to reading alot. Right now im in the middle of Dracula. Before that was Wicked. and next will be Count of Monte Cristo. Welcome to my book worm ness. Im learning alot with the reading and I love knowledge. So it really works out in my favor. I just wish I could get my mother off the god damn TV for an hour so she can start reading again. I swear to god that thing is rotting her brain. Its not healthy. Also she is chugging down the coca cola like its water. and she wonders why she is sick. But god forbid that I suggest that her drinking Coke might be the problem. *Rolls eyes*

Ricky and I are doing well. Just moved to a new house. I love it. Still need to work on the keeping my room clean tho. lol. (its mainly laundry) His family infuriates me. Get this; I've never met Rickys mother (His choice) I have no problem with this. And now I hear that she is spreading rumors about me to his other family members. now remember: I'VE NEVER MET THE WOMAN! she says that Im keeping her son away and that im making him turn his back on his family.

Reality check lady:
1. He isnt turning his back on his family. He actually talks to the on a regular basis. He just doesnt want anything to do with you
2. If he wanted anything to do with you then I realize that it is not my place to tell him who he can and cannot talk to. He is a big boy that can make educated decisions by himself.
3. You need to get a FUCKING JOB to occupy your time because you having free time to think up these ridiculous things is impeding on the happiness of other peoples lives.
4. You are a lonely, hurtful woman who has nothing better to do than try and bring people down so you feel better about your own shitty existence.
5. I have sat by and watched you hurt and torment Ricky ever since I have been with him and per his request I sat back and let things run their course. But Im not sitting back any longer. Im not afraid of you and methed out grin. Im a proud born Yank and no one brings me down without a fight. You will meet your match with me and then you will rue the day that you couldnt let shit go.

Here is your chance; find that adult gene in your body and apply it to your everyday life -or- deal with me.

(Note to you: I dont give second chances)

I digress...
That woman makes me so mad cause she is just trying to control ricky through guilt. And thats not what a mothers goal should be to educate their sons and daughters.

about to crash. Its almost midnight and my body is starting to shut down. It was nice writing again. I should try and remember to do it more often

Who will remember?

When everything ends
And it all fades away
Who will remember you
And your accusations
Who will care
That you won the fight
Everything ends
And at that end
I find myself
Stepping into the warmth
And take into me
The scent of winter
Im alone now
But free
This is the end.
Who will remember?

This is a good God damned letter that i will never send

Dear Erica, All this mess is becoming ridiculous and irrational. I see what it does to Ricky on a weekly basis and it pains me to realize that this altercation can be avoided.

My Proposition to you: You and I meet for lunch in the next week and figure everything out. I know you have question that i can answer and Vice Versa. Im tired of sitting on the sidelines and seeing people getting unnecessarily hurt.

Granted, I have been a bit tiffy to you recently and I apologize for that. I should have been more mature about things. So let us get together and figure out how we can help one another in this.

Lauren

P.S. I know you will probably take offense to me even trying to contact you, but just consider it. For Ricky's sake.

Decision Decisions...

Learning to let go is a hard lesson to learn. Telling someone that they need to let go is an even a harder lesson to learn. Time to resort to Andais... :)

Female Angst

Well I do believe that some female angst is in order. I have been doing fine for a while. But Male bullshit gets to you after a while. So I have a couple of things to say on the subject. More specifically pointing out certain people.

Andre: "It’s as if they believe their own lies; that this time it will be true love. But it never lasts because no woman is perfect enough for him. Of course, it isn’t the women that aren’t perfect enough; it’s the man. He tries to fill some void in himself with women or sex. If the love is true enough, the sex good enough, then this time he’ll feel complete; this time he’ll finally be whole. Serial womanizers are like serial killers in one respect: they both believe that next time will be perfect; that the next experience will complete them, and stop this unending need. But it never does."
I couldn't have said it better myself. So many times i have gotten into arguments with him on this subject but he still refuses to admit to himself that we all know. That we all know that he is lying and actually laughing behind his back. He just looks like a moron. And he looks even more like a quack when you see him believing these ridiculous stories. Like he has told them so many times that no other way is possible. All I would want fomr him is to atleast admit to himself is that he is a normal human being, just like the rest of us. He is not a warrior, he does not have demon inside him, and he is not the most terrifying mother fucker out there. Is that too much to ask?

Chris:"And after a while he calms down
And he looks at me like a prince
But I know I better bite the bullet
'Cause it's just another one of his
Jedi mind tricks"
So, You like coming back into my life when i have something going that's amazing. And you expect me to run back to you with open arms. Get over it. You had your chance, lost it, threw it in my face, and now you trying to get me back by using the same old lines as before. Honey, I grew up a long time ago and i think that you should quickly follow suit. Cause this make believe shit isn't working for me anymore. Chill out. Your not a wolf. Your not a Vampire. There is nothing between us other than an uncomfortable silence that i'm willing to cut with a knife with the aim of your heart in mind.
We once had it all in a certain time. But that time is long gone. Do us both a favor and realize that.

Thats all of the female angst i have right now. Not bad for it being pinned up for a couple months. I will post more later.

High

Spinning
Trees
Laughing
Snow
feild
house
lost
ocean
white
kight
death
brisge
rmpty
love
alonr
falling
rockets
money
brick
pink
lie
left
behind
screaming
hate
blue
angel
tone
sew
Grin
Game
Re try
jump
run
jump
wall
tower
castle
love
love
love...





my life
in a
selecate
fashion
is stone
forbidden to live
forbidden to
die
never can
I breath this
soul
into exsistance
never again
will i let
you feel
breath
Fight
Love




Ripping me to sheds isnt going to make yourself feel better. You on my mind and you wont go away and i hate you for it. Let me to forget you, make me forget all of you, i scream. You took me away my love, my time, and expect me to survive in the horrible futer? And then punish me for your oversight. Im more than this. Im more than just and oblect to be used as a pawn. I hate this! and as i fall to the ground, I crumble again into to their palms.

Rambling

In bed I
lay
where i wait
someday
for the
dream
to end
and my
reality to
begin
perfect dream
fuzzy dream
marshmallow
bed
sink away
never to be seen
again
in the light
of day
Im safe
here
no lies
no disappointments
just
myself
and
no one
can take that
away