Possesion

Definition:a territorial dominion of a state,domination, actuation, or obsession by a feeling, idea, etc, Having or manifesting a desire to control or dominate another, especially in order to limit that person's relationships with others.

Sometime it can be a good thing. Most time it gets out of control. It is getting out of control on my part. I'm so paranoid that he will look at all me amazing friends and realize that they are better than what he has. Like i was just a pit stop written on the maps the fates provided the gods after creation. Fear of being the girl he had to find to find his actual true love. He loves me because i am so differant from everyone else. But my close girlfriends are exactly like me. And that scares me.

I keep being told from every which angle that there is nothing to worry about, but I've always been a naturally paranoid person.I just know I'm not good enough. I think that is the main issue i need to tackle. But how do i do that without becoming arrogant and cocky. Its when shit like that happens that something actually does go wrong and the person is so enamored with themselves that they don't notice. I'm walking a very dangerous edge.

I find myself stepping very out of character with him. Letting him tell me what to do. Not anything big. But like, He has got me in the habit of him lighting my cigarette's, and he becomes frustrated when i light my own. Whether that be out of defiance or just forgetfulness. I cant help it. Its in my nature to be self sufficient. And another thing is I let him dote on me. Like bathing me and stuff like that. i would never had let any of my other men do that to me. i am also starting to admit to him when I'm not feeling well, or feeling weak. THAT'S NOT ME!!! when do i ever how weakness. Even when I'm alone with a person?

Its a blessing. He is a blessing. I'm just so out of my element that i cant figure out what the outcome is going to be. And most of me doesn't care and knows the best has yet to come. But my 'old' Lauren side is still a little apprehensive. But i do believe that is just self preservation kicking in.

You know? its funny. There is a perfect qoute that i could end this with. "From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is" The funny part is that it is from Sex and the City. Ironic right?

Well this concludes my brain fart. I will report back later. :)