Wow things are screwy in my head

it was innocent
purely emotional
but then it started to show some other colors.
I didnt know what to do
i forgot how to fight
and I let it happen again.
Things started getting fuzzy
the beat of my heart rang in my ears
I wasnt supposed to happen this way.
I wanted to scream
I wanted to yell
I wanted to pretend to just save myself
But its the pretending
not the person
that would make me a disappointment.


He came last night
Snuck in
Didnt even shut the window.
disappointing.
hands remember
and hearts beat as one
to a race that will never be won
Sleep
something that is foreign now
tossing and turning
cold sweats in the night
frustration from exhausted
while exhaustion loses out
few nights i sleep
thinking those thoughts
remembering those memories
in my own little world
its nice there this time of year
everything goes my way
but theres a face that wasnt there before
a ghost in the shadows
sneaking around in the dark
pretending he isnt there
'I see you Ghost
I know your there'
He watches me
studies me
waiting to see what im going to do next
Those eyes burn
let me tell you
But there are times
in those dreams
that im okay with him there
knowing that nothing is going to happen to me
knowing that im safe in bed and he is there
Bitter sweet would be a good word
I sleep better those nights
no tossing and turning
No Frustration or anger
just my world
and My Shadow Ghost
that doesnt have enough
sense
to shut the window.

Special

We had
something Special
A dream
that became
a reality
that became a nightmare
can only be
a memory now
But that dream
was a lie
and a liar within it
but it was real to me
if only for a time
but in that moment
it became one of
my fondest memories
if only for dream
that will always be
special to me