Sin

I cant let this happen again.
Falling into an abyss.
I let pride go
to play with your
twisted strings,
watching you pull
your heart behind.
I kept you here,
in this web
for my own
entertainment
and greed.
You are just pawns in my game of
Life.
Sometimes you bore me
so I let you collect dusk
and mull over how you were bad
just so your are ripe
for the picking.
Luckily I get bored...
and Ill pick
up
your
strings
again
and
make you dance
for mine own
Vanity.

The Statue

A light has opened up
A light i have waiting to see
for a long time.
Its finally come,
this day.
Through many trials
and tribulations
I have carved
this stone
in the likeness of what I
aspired to be.
He gave me the tools and the will
and I carved him a statue
that didn't falter.
It waived in the wind for but a
moment.
But in the end it stood the test of
time and
separation.
Built by love
and nurtured by hope
This statue will mark
My triumph over
Myself.

Not Just Another Dance

Living by a moment
With no where else to go
I find your arms
and enter there.
Our dance starts off slow.
(A hesitated reunion)
Rhythm picking up
Stumbling over our feet and yours
we finally
come
clean.
The tempo now matches our dance.
A dance that is in the soul
and in the heart that
only shows with Like Kind.
The room starts to spin
and the walls cave in.
"Look what we did"
as we watch the ruble settle
and our own paradise
made by us comes into light.
We made this place,
you and I,
now lets stay safe here
and find solace in each others
eyes.

Tortoise Teaches Hare

Slow and steady
I want to bring you
down to speed.
feel to curve
the flow
the heart beat of my soul
Breath in.
Breath out.
Let time pass you by
Let time fade away
so you can live
for the moment.

Goodbye Letter

I dont know what I did for you to hate me so much. I know you have abandonment issues and all that but dont torture me for moving on in my life. Thats not fair. i always supported you. Why cant you do the same for me? You are obviously in a place that doesnt welcome things that you cant control. Im sorry for that. But when you get through this I will be here for you. I always was. I guess just not enough for you to appreciate. I could say 'I'm sorry' all letter long but in the broad spectrum of things Im not really. Im not sorry for getting married. Im not sorry for being happy. Im not sorry for moving on in my life and becoming an adult. But I AM sorry that you couldnt see that all of things were good for me.
there is alot I want to say but I cant put into words. Or atleast put into a list so I remember all of them. Things have ended shitty and you did them on your terms. Just how you wanted.
Over the past few months I felt like you were trying to control my life in order to be in control of yours. I dont know if you did that intentionally or not but it pushed me away. You were afraid of being forgotten and in turn you made yourself into an unpleasant memory.
I dont know if I will ever send this to you but Im glad I did this for me. there were alot of things I needed to say that you didnt give me a chance. You didnt even give me a chance to defend myself. You just strung me up and gave everyone else a bat to beat me bloody with.
I feel like I've been treated unfairly. The Lauren that you have in your head is not who I am.
You are my Little Brother. No one else will ever be that. I will love you always and forever.

I dont understand

I have a really good friend that has decided to play the im your friend/im going to be an asshole card every other week.I will always be here for him but obviously he is having an arguement in his head that he cant decide who wins. So I unfriended him today. Just took myself out of his life so he doesnt have that problem anymore. I hope he comes back. ?He is like a Little Brother to me. I hope him the best. I just dont understand why he is letting all of the turmoil in his mind effect reality. Its not fair to other people. I just dont understand.