Friday, November 11, 2011
Curiouser and curiouser...
Who keeps checking my page periodically? I know you are using Explorer and on a windows computer. Fes up. Who are you?
Friday, June 24, 2011
Everything is Not Okay
I dont know where to begin. It all goes in a circle in my head.
I feel lonely.
Im not okay
Im swallowed by this depression.
I need to remember myself
I need to remember Me.
She has been locked inside my head,
running in place,
while I go through the motions
on tired legs.
I feel neglected.
Physically,
sexually,
emotionally.
And Im stuck in this place.
I fear that I will always be neglected
sexually.
I want to be held
I want to be handled
I want to feel like a woman again.
I need to get out of this depression.
Im getting tired of fighting myself.
Maybe I should just shut off and let my body continue living.
but will I wake up one day?
Will I wake up one day, when all time is lost,
and realize it was all wasted.
What if I could just go into a coma
for the rest of my life?
That would be so much easier than waking up.
Why?... Just why?
A useless question question,
but one my heart still yearns to know
the answer to.
May I fade away now?
I told someone.
Shouldnt my job be done?
Can I go to sleep now?
Im tired of choking on my own misery.
Everything is not okay.
I feel lonely.
Im not okay
Im swallowed by this depression.
I need to remember myself
I need to remember Me.
She has been locked inside my head,
running in place,
while I go through the motions
on tired legs.
I feel neglected.
Physically,
sexually,
emotionally.
And Im stuck in this place.
I fear that I will always be neglected
sexually.
I want to be held
I want to be handled
I want to feel like a woman again.
I need to get out of this depression.
Im getting tired of fighting myself.
Maybe I should just shut off and let my body continue living.
but will I wake up one day?
Will I wake up one day, when all time is lost,
and realize it was all wasted.
What if I could just go into a coma
for the rest of my life?
That would be so much easier than waking up.
Why?... Just why?
A useless question question,
but one my heart still yearns to know
the answer to.
May I fade away now?
I told someone.
Shouldnt my job be done?
Can I go to sleep now?
Im tired of choking on my own misery.
Everything is not okay.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
A dark haired beauty lays down to bed on the grassy noll of the faeries tred. To once be with them in the court of the Unseelie. Little does she know the fear that will be etched into her heart when at the hands of those tangible childhood Gods get ahold of her pretty face. Look at the little thing with her chin turned high. Thinking she will get out alive on the other side. They will steal her away from the world and help her forget her soul. Only to be let out again when her uses fade. So does her looks for time passes differently in an Immortal world. Silly little girl.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Eyes
You turned out
To be
Exactly
Who you wanted
To be.
Oh the things
You are.
If only they had an idea.
Luck,
Some say.
Tits,
Others.
I think its the
Smile.
Throwing men
And woman
Off their guard.
Seeing happiness
In front of them.
Something tangible.
Alas, they have not seen
The world as I see it.
Truth to myself
And blatent humility
Have guided me here.
And for once I feel free.
To be
Exactly
Who you wanted
To be.
Oh the things
You are.
If only they had an idea.
Luck,
Some say.
Tits,
Others.
I think its the
Smile.
Throwing men
And woman
Off their guard.
Seeing happiness
In front of them.
Something tangible.
Alas, they have not seen
The world as I see it.
Truth to myself
And blatent humility
Have guided me here.
And for once I feel free.
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Soul
We are
Old souls.
So long known
To eachother
That a touch
Or caress
Could
Calm a persons
Soul.
Old souls.
So long known
To eachother
That a touch
Or caress
Could
Calm a persons
Soul.
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Evenything is so
Still tonight.
I see by breath.
But don't feel the cold.
Things are simple now.
But more complicated.
In their own right of course.
--------
Time means nothing
When you focus
On the past.
One day
Time will be gone.
And you will have
Nothing pleasant
To look back on.
--------
The air is still.
And noone
Will even know
You were
Here.
Still tonight.
I see by breath.
But don't feel the cold.
Things are simple now.
But more complicated.
In their own right of course.
--------
Time means nothing
When you focus
On the past.
One day
Time will be gone.
And you will have
Nothing pleasant
To look back on.
--------
The air is still.
And noone
Will even know
You were
Here.
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Saturday, January 29, 2011
Sin
I cant let this happen again.
Falling into an abyss.
I let pride go
to play with your
twisted strings,
watching you pull
your heart behind.
I kept you here,
in this web
for my own
entertainment
and greed.
You are just pawns in my game of
Life.
Sometimes you bore me
so I let you collect dusk
and mull over how you were bad
just so your are ripe
for the picking.
Luckily I get bored...
and Ill pick
up
your
strings
again
and
make you dance
for mine own
Vanity.
Falling into an abyss.
I let pride go
to play with your
twisted strings,
watching you pull
your heart behind.
I kept you here,
in this web
for my own
entertainment
and greed.
You are just pawns in my game of
Life.
Sometimes you bore me
so I let you collect dusk
and mull over how you were bad
just so your are ripe
for the picking.
Luckily I get bored...
and Ill pick
up
your
strings
again
and
make you dance
for mine own
Vanity.
Friday, January 28, 2011
The Statue
A light has opened up
A light i have waiting to see
for a long time.
Its finally come,
this day.
Through many trials
and tribulations
I have carved
this stone
in the likeness of what I
aspired to be.
He gave me the tools and the will
and I carved him a statue
that didn't falter.
It waived in the wind for but a
moment.
But in the end it stood the test of
time and
separation.
Built by love
and nurtured by hope
This statue will mark
My triumph over
Myself.
A light i have waiting to see
for a long time.
Its finally come,
this day.
Through many trials
and tribulations
I have carved
this stone
in the likeness of what I
aspired to be.
He gave me the tools and the will
and I carved him a statue
that didn't falter.
It waived in the wind for but a
moment.
But in the end it stood the test of
time and
separation.
Built by love
and nurtured by hope
This statue will mark
My triumph over
Myself.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Not Just Another Dance
Living by a moment
With no where else to go
I find your arms
and enter there.
Our dance starts off slow.
(A hesitated reunion)
Rhythm picking up
Stumbling over our feet and yours
we finally
come
clean.
The tempo now matches our dance.
A dance that is in the soul
and in the heart that
only shows with Like Kind.
The room starts to spin
and the walls cave in.
"Look what we did"
as we watch the ruble settle
and our own paradise
made by us comes into light.
We made this place,
you and I,
now lets stay safe here
and find solace in each others
eyes.
With no where else to go
I find your arms
and enter there.
Our dance starts off slow.
(A hesitated reunion)
Rhythm picking up
Stumbling over our feet and yours
we finally
come
clean.
The tempo now matches our dance.
A dance that is in the soul
and in the heart that
only shows with Like Kind.
The room starts to spin
and the walls cave in.
"Look what we did"
as we watch the ruble settle
and our own paradise
made by us comes into light.
We made this place,
you and I,
now lets stay safe here
and find solace in each others
eyes.
Tortoise Teaches Hare
Slow and steady
I want to bring you
down to speed.
feel to curve
the flow
the heart beat of my soul
Breath in.
Breath out.
Let time pass you by
Let time fade away
so you can live
for the moment.
I want to bring you
down to speed.
feel to curve
the flow
the heart beat of my soul
Breath in.
Breath out.
Let time pass you by
Let time fade away
so you can live
for the moment.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Goodbye Letter
I dont know what I did for you to hate me so much. I know you have abandonment issues and all that but dont torture me for moving on in my life. Thats not fair. i always supported you. Why cant you do the same for me? You are obviously in a place that doesnt welcome things that you cant control. Im sorry for that. But when you get through this I will be here for you. I always was. I guess just not enough for you to appreciate. I could say 'I'm sorry' all letter long but in the broad spectrum of things Im not really. Im not sorry for getting married. Im not sorry for being happy. Im not sorry for moving on in my life and becoming an adult. But I AM sorry that you couldnt see that all of things were good for me.
there is alot I want to say but I cant put into words. Or atleast put into a list so I remember all of them. Things have ended shitty and you did them on your terms. Just how you wanted.
Over the past few months I felt like you were trying to control my life in order to be in control of yours. I dont know if you did that intentionally or not but it pushed me away. You were afraid of being forgotten and in turn you made yourself into an unpleasant memory.
I dont know if I will ever send this to you but Im glad I did this for me. there were alot of things I needed to say that you didnt give me a chance. You didnt even give me a chance to defend myself. You just strung me up and gave everyone else a bat to beat me bloody with.
I feel like I've been treated unfairly. The Lauren that you have in your head is not who I am.
You are my Little Brother. No one else will ever be that. I will love you always and forever.
there is alot I want to say but I cant put into words. Or atleast put into a list so I remember all of them. Things have ended shitty and you did them on your terms. Just how you wanted.
Over the past few months I felt like you were trying to control my life in order to be in control of yours. I dont know if you did that intentionally or not but it pushed me away. You were afraid of being forgotten and in turn you made yourself into an unpleasant memory.
I dont know if I will ever send this to you but Im glad I did this for me. there were alot of things I needed to say that you didnt give me a chance. You didnt even give me a chance to defend myself. You just strung me up and gave everyone else a bat to beat me bloody with.
I feel like I've been treated unfairly. The Lauren that you have in your head is not who I am.
You are my Little Brother. No one else will ever be that. I will love you always and forever.
I dont understand
I have a really good friend that has decided to play the im your friend/im going to be an asshole card every other week.I will always be here for him but obviously he is having an arguement in his head that he cant decide who wins. So I unfriended him today. Just took myself out of his life so he doesnt have that problem anymore. I hope he comes back. ?He is like a Little Brother to me. I hope him the best. I just dont understand why he is letting all of the turmoil in his mind effect reality. Its not fair to other people. I just dont understand.